Today's keyword is "numb". I'm starting to feel numb from these onslaughts of emotions. I'm getting sick of crying because I'm frustrated with my mind; how it wonders and thinks and imagines and wishes... all for nothing. Maybe I am quick to judge. Sometimes I get proven wrong within the next hour. But one thing's for sure... I have definitely been put on probation!
Seriously... here I am, worrying about how you feel about the whole situation. When actually, I doubt you actually feel anything. Yea... you have a lot going on for you, and I am nobody that you need to make any commitments to. I get it... I see it... I'm clear on that now. I want to cut you out of my mind like I did to him. But I know that you're gonna pop up again, just like he did, and you're gonna screw up every little piece of my brain that I had meticulously defragmented while you were put out of the picture.
What am I doing to myself? I really want to give up on thoughts. I wish I had enough shit to shovel at work so that I didn't have to think about my non-existent personal life. And I know for sure that if I stay at in this shithole, I will end up like my colleagues. Sad... but true... mean... but true... I am definitely moving out. Give me 1 more year...
I missed those days when I just came home, wiped out, and slept till morning. Then wake up the next day and just do the same. No complaints, no feelings... NO FEELINGS!!! STOP FEELING! From the day that I learnt to love... feelings only hurt me. They hurt me more than they ever did me good. From the day that I learnt to care about people... people I love, mere acquaintances and friends, all I felt in the end was hurt. People tend to take advantage of me… except for my best friends and my family. The rest of the world... fuck you!
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