이계~ 또~ 뭐냐고!!!

My health and my life seems to be forever entertwined. Whenever one is threatening to fuck up, the other just follows like a twin...

My doctor just asked me to go for a scope... I have been dreading that I'd have to do another one again. It's not like the last one helped at all. None of the scopes I did led to me getting the right treatment and getting cured. Why would this one be any different? I'm starting to lose faith in being able to get better.

As for my love life. I have no love life. I have no life. Every day I work at a company where I am hardly enthusiastic about. It used to feel fulfilling, but slowly it lost its meaning. Now that there is a very high chance that here will be no increment or bonus, it's made it even more meaningless to work there.

Love... I am beginning to think it's a sorry excuse to feel like you own someone or belong to someone. The fact that in todays' liberal society, no one can own anyone. You can feel like you're a part of each other today, but maybe next week you can decide that your relationship isn't working out. I believe that marriage is for life, but I find it hard to trust that people out there feel the same too. So what do I want now? I just want to be happy. I just want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. And how do I do that? Money. But what do I not have? Money. So what should I work towards now? Money.

I am not a materialistic person. But I am realistic in that I believe having money just makes everything else easier to deal with, cos money is the biggest worry on everyone's minds these days.

If only I can think like that all the time. If only my heart and mind would stop betraying me.

How far will I go?

People always say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder...". It's never true for me.

I am more of an "out of sight, out of mind" person. So if you want to keep my attention. Stay close, and stay in contact. Otherwise, count your buttons that I'm gonna forget you, and wipe you out of my life :)

From now on, if anyone hurts me, I will make sure I distance myself, until they disappear from my life entirely. I knew that I had this ability in me, to make all bad things disappear (except chronic gastric problems :P). But I wasn't reminded and reassured until I read this article my sister posted on my FB wall...

http://blissfullotus.wordpress.com/2009/08/28/sagittarius-hurt/

It's brilliant. I never realised I was this weak, and how I could easily turn strong too. But now I do. And I will try my utmost to keep at it. RAWR!!! ^_^