Day 30

Today should be the last day. I would say rather than to expect for an answer, it should be a day where I decide what I want and simple act upon it with conviction. I lack conviction :P

The first dumb thing I did this morning was to take a cab to work when my uncle's car was sitting outside the house and he didn't have work... I should have taken the car to work since there was loads of parking space on Saturdays. DAMMIT!

I'd say while my Malay isn't superb, I managed to help get points across :) But my CEO being a person who just loves talking, made some big boo-boos while talking to the potential customer from Malaysia :P One of our biggest shareholders was there and if he wasn't, no one would've stopped my CEO from saying those stuff. I think my CEO has some bad habits. Yes he can charm the socks off most people, but he definitely hits a wall when there is a language barrier. The whole time I found the way he was trying to be 'linguistically relatable' to be a bit condescending to the customer. He then started talking about some shit that really didn't need to be pointed out so early in the deal. He really needs to learn when it means too much talking.

I think the customers liked me though. Haha! I suppose it's always nice to have someone speaking your language. My presence was definitely not a waste of effort, but a total waste of time since I have no intention of staying anymore. After the meeting my CEO was telling me I shouldn't quit, yet again... Again bringing up the fact that I have no job prospects, bla... bla... bla... I think he really treats me like a dumb foreigner sometimes. I loathe that for a moment, few days ago, I acted like one by believing him :P Other than my boss, my CEO is the other person that reminds me why I shouldn't stay. He's promising to change my job function and all, but I don't think he realises that I may be someone whom the company will always not see 100% results all the time, cos I deal better with ad-hoc situations.

I believe there is always someone in the company that serves for special functions or customers, and I am such a person. It's sad that he took so long to recognise that I was good at building relationships with customers. But he will always assume I'm lazy... so I think there can never be a balance in ultimate opinion. He will never trust me, even though he knows I am willing to contribute extra bits, like what I did for the Malaysian customers.

My big interview is on Monday! I really hope I impress the GM and we come to a deal. Next step will be the EP. I'm a bit worried about renewing it, but people have been telling me that it will be fine, especially now I may be joining a big company. Hope so...

Today is the last day of the daily posts. I aim to post each day, but if I do miss a day or 2, I think it's fine :)

I'm listening to Tim Hwang again. Just found out his new album is out. I miss his style... :)

I think I've really decided to get on with my life. Whatever that has happened in the past 7-8 months, I'm about to let them just be that phase in my life. I just wanna proceed with what I have left and hope that I can grow from it. There is no point in hoping for things to always stay the way they are... I think I love stability too much and I enjoy being in my comfort zone, but I acknowledge that I am a person who likes things to be fresh too. I think that's one reason why I left all those jobs... and all those men :P

Familiar things are all nice to have. They keep you happy knowing that there is something constant and available. But when you get too dependent, it becomes like a drug. Often enough, I let things become drugs to me, and that's when I get in trouble. I start to torture myself by craving for it and getting upset when I don't get it. But I think those days are long gone now. I know when to enjoy what I have when it's right in front of me. I can miss it when it's not, but I won't feel torture because of it. I'm getting there, though not quite yet. But after Day 30, I think I'm gonna be alright :)

Looking forward to an upward climb :) A new life could be starting for me any day now... I hope to make the best of it. I thank all the people who have been kind and generous to be in this time. These people remind me that even when there are some evil fuckers in this world, there will always be people who care for me :)