Day 24

6 more days to go before I stop my daily mandatory posts...

I was tired this morning, but I had to go get my hair fixed. I'm damn happy that I did. I feel like myself again. The moment the stylist, Jack, finished cutting and blowing my hair, my first thought was "Yes! That's it!" I saw myself in the mirror again. The hairstyle I've always loved :) I was a bit sceptical about the color job when my hair was still wet, but after it was dried... magical :) I wish I could always afford to go to Toni & Guys for my cut and color, but I think there will be times that I have to go somewhere cheaper :(

I guess my sister is concerned, but sometimes I wish she wouldn't pry. When I tell her something, she doesn't need to haul a load of other info from me. I'm not ready to talk about it to my family yet. Cos I really dunno what is going on. I think this is what I hate about the situation I am in now. I wish I had a firm decision in my mind. The thought is more or less there, but somehow fragments are still chucked here and there in the recesses of my brain... ready to be reactivated any time.

I just wanna survive my job now... and I think I do need to get another job, but I'd much rather start a new job abroad now than stay here. I seriously wanna go somewhere new and feel out of place for awhile... so that I can find new balance and a new life. I think I like the feeling of renewal. Brand new clothes, brand new bag, brand new haircut, brand new job... brand new life. There is nothing more exciting than finding something new. I think that goes without saying with love also.

I guess some people get bored because they no longer feel excitement in their relationship, and if they happen to meet someone new, the excitement and thrill of new feelings from a new relationship is what prompts them to become greedy and to want a change from the old. I've been there before. I know well enough now that it is just a temporary feeling. Just like the rush you get from buying a new dress or bag; when you swipe your credit card, you feel elated, but when you get home, the feeling has waned. Maybe it will come back a little the first time you put on that new dress, but after that, it's just another dress.

I think I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me because I was just learning to appreciate what I had and to value what was in front of me. Apparently how I feel doesn't matter... it matters how the other person feels too. I read today that 80 something percent of women fantasize about other men while they were having sex... I shall be very honest and say I have never done that... in any relationship... even when the other person was a rather unimaginative lover... LOL... I'm loyal. When I get into a relationship with anyone, I am loyal to a fault... until the day I decide I don't need to be anymore. Sadly... I still feel loyal at this moment. Wonder if it will change someday...

Maybe I am just too fixated on the things that are out of my reach... like Seoul... a life in Seoul.

I really wanna go on to Elementary Level 2 of my Korean lessons. Hope I can afford it... I can once I get a new job :)