이계~ 또~ 뭐냐고!!!

My health and my life seems to be forever entertwined. Whenever one is threatening to fuck up, the other just follows like a twin...

My doctor just asked me to go for a scope... I have been dreading that I'd have to do another one again. It's not like the last one helped at all. None of the scopes I did led to me getting the right treatment and getting cured. Why would this one be any different? I'm starting to lose faith in being able to get better.

As for my love life. I have no love life. I have no life. Every day I work at a company where I am hardly enthusiastic about. It used to feel fulfilling, but slowly it lost its meaning. Now that there is a very high chance that here will be no increment or bonus, it's made it even more meaningless to work there.

Love... I am beginning to think it's a sorry excuse to feel like you own someone or belong to someone. The fact that in todays' liberal society, no one can own anyone. You can feel like you're a part of each other today, but maybe next week you can decide that your relationship isn't working out. I believe that marriage is for life, but I find it hard to trust that people out there feel the same too. So what do I want now? I just want to be happy. I just want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. And how do I do that? Money. But what do I not have? Money. So what should I work towards now? Money.

I am not a materialistic person. But I am realistic in that I believe having money just makes everything else easier to deal with, cos money is the biggest worry on everyone's minds these days.

If only I can think like that all the time. If only my heart and mind would stop betraying me.