Odd...

Feeling odd today. I started my morning fine. I got the morning bit right. Ate breakfast on the way to bus stop so that I’ll feel comfortable by the time I got on the bus. Managed to get a decent nap on the way to the office, and started my day at the office on a comfortable note. By lunch time I was feeling crappy… lunch was alright, yet another treat from a colleague… but when I got back to office the feeling started again.

At some point, I started to feel a rush of all the emotions and depression I’ve had in the past year. It could be that blank text message I got this morning. After 6 months and he’s still at it… or it could be the text messages I got few days ago, which just feels foreign and surreal. Both are pasts that I wish I can move on from… especially when none of them promises me any happiness. I don’t know why the fuck would I even be thinking of these things now. Maybe I’m just tired from having to adjust to the new sleeping and waking hours. I call it my ‘new time zone’; even said that to my boss.

I kinda regret staying on at my last job for so long and not taking my break. But nothing can compensate for the money I will get from the extra days. Hopefully CNY will be a good break. That… and this coming weekend. I think I really need to practice some discipline and go to bed at 11pm sharp each night.

I remember the days where I just hopped out of bed when the alarm rang. I think the past few months have taken their toll on me and I am suffering as a result from the spillover of stress, coupled with the stress of delivering at my new job. Sure… there are no longer sales targets to meet, but already I have been given some tasks that I must try to achieve by the end of February. I hope to at least achieve that expectation my boss has set, better yet if I can exceed it, because that’s what I think he expects. Once again I have given people the impression that they can sort of expect magic from me… the wonderful things I manage to say during interviews.

Maybe I just need to exercise more… will do that once my schedule stabilizes. My sister thinks that I just need to have some mindless sexy time. WTF…

I have no more room to wonder in life... it's do or die now... and I refuse to die anymore :(