Does anyone comprehend?

All this negativity is really bringing me down... I asked for some time off, and people immediately assume I'm giving up. Maybe after all that everyone's been saying, I might just give up so that they can get the satisfaction of being right.

"Why are you still sick?" they ask...

Well... first of all... I never get to rest in peace. I blame myself for having a conscience. I worry too much about how people get by or how people will complain when I disappear. Even know sometimes I say "fuck it" and just leave, I feel bad, and it just ends up with me not having a restful time off. If only I didn't have a conscience and a heart :(

"Just disappear for a week, then come back and pick up the pieces"

This is not what I like to do. I'd like to leave knowing everything is in place and will be in place when I come back cos it would kill me to have to clean up when I get back. I'd just go back to square one. This would happen only in my dreams. I feel trapped by my responsibilities, and no one wants to help me with them. Sure there are some people helping out, but they only want to do it to a certain extent.

Yes... this is my shit... this is really my problem. I promised I'd stick it through, and I am finding ways to make things more bearable for me, but how long can I really keep doing this? With people reminding me each day that I can't do it, and telling me that I'm not helping myself when I'm already trying my hardest. I am really not getting the support I need in order to stand on my own 2 feet again.

My bf has now volunteered to help me get things in order. It's fortunate that he's available for the next few months to help me out, but I don't really like the attitude of people who
a) doubt his abilities
b) wanting to drop all their responsibilities and leave now that someone is here to help
It's only temporary. I fully expect everyone to still stick around and work with him. He's doing it because he sees that we need some help to fix things.

Because of our past relationship issues, some people may still see him as a shitty boyfriend to me, but after he'd told me he was gonna help me, I realised that all those past unhappiness, squabbles and etc. don't matter anymore. The fact that he has stepped up when it mattered most is clear that I mean enough to him to go an extra mile for me. Sometimes I really need to get over myself. I'm oversensitive when it comes to him, and I do ask for too much (sometimes). He's a good person, and he has proven it time and time again. I'm such a greedy bitch ^_^

So where do we go from here? I'm gonna stick it out for the rest of the year... until the business is 1 year old. Then we're gonna reevaluate the whole business and see if we can sell or if we need to keep at it for awhile more. My bf and I plan to revamp the entire operations, and hopefully things will improve from here. I can't wait... it's gonna be a whole lot of work, but I'm happy someone is here to get it done with me... *bliss*