Day 1

Today I embark on a new phase... another bubble of time where eventually it will pop and dissipate into thin air. I still don't know what I'm going to achieve from this time where I am going to surround myself in a cushion of detachment.

I just want to achieve a sense of calmness now. It just feels like a storm of frustration and a cocktail of all my emotions are brewing, and I just want to stay away from the cyclone that may simply sweep me off my feet and leave me powerless to fight for the road to safety.

I just want to be able to cope through my days at this point. I wanna last out this time that I have set for myself. Along the way, maybe I can learn to be less reactive towards the things around me, then maybe I will have a happier life. I realise that I have never really learnt to let live... in the past month or so, I think I have truly tried, and perhaps in some situations managed to let go and just deal with myself first, but I find that every step I have taken forward does come with 2 steps back every once in awhile, maybe in every 1 out of 3 attempts. I need to learn that some things are really out of my control and I should just let things be and focus on myself.

I have a few mantras now... a friend told me to remind myself "I am strong". The next one I shall add is "Breathe, close your eyes and just breathe". Hopefully in the long run, these will help me to come to terms with myself, my life and everything that surrounds me. Hopefully in the long run, I will really be a stronger person. I know I have grown in this past 6 months. So much more than I thought I could. But I still have some way to go, before I can be truly invincible :)

I wanna learn to be able to have someone's arm around my shoulder, but still stand on my own 2 feet.