Poor Little Sick Girl (It's My Time to Whine)

It be 6pm and I be using da MS Word blogging tool cos da dam Streamyx ain’t movin smoothly.

I am home today cos I had to see the Gastrologist about mein gastric problem. I was just told by my dearest WeeWee that I actually diagnosed myself rather than the doctor. I pretty much told the doctor what was wrong with me and I had an explanation for him for all my conditions. Well, I felt that I said all those stuff and felt I had to explain myself as I was waiting to be contradicted by the doctor. Then, I would know if something else, other than the condition I know I am in, is going on with my body. Anyway, he gave me 2 days MC and gave me 2 kinds of pills. Thank you for the 2 days of MC, but I don’t think the 2 kinds of pills would help unless they were magic pills. Nevertheless, let’s put them to the test. If I am rolling around in pain tomorrow morning, I will know that his medicine doesn’t work and the 2nd day MC was all part of his plan. Though he said that IF I was still not OK, I was to go back and see him, I think he has it all planned out for me to see him next week. He only gave me 1 week’s supply of pills. He better not tell me he wants to do a scope. I find it so intrusive and gross.

Meanwhile, I’m being a spoilt little girl with my grandma back in Melaka to take care of me. What can I say? I need the essential nutrients a sick person would require to get strong and healthy, home-cooked meals. Another plus would be that my grandma always hangs and collects the laundry. Hehe! When I feel a bit guilty, I’d help her. But I think she needs something to do to pass her days, so I let her do it. I take care of general cleaning such as dish washing, vacuuming and mopping the floor and washing my bathroom. Don’t forget, I bathe Mimi!!

I still can’t get the image of that fella at the vet’s cutting her nails. He was cutting like nobody’s business. I doubt he even checked before he cut. He made her bleed a little. I am so freaked out about her getting hurt from getting her nails cut. I really am. I shudder at the thought cos I think I almost cut her once. I did a whole round of cutting for her nails and decided that 1 of them was still too long. She has these blackened nails that are kinda hard to see where the vein are.. as I attempted to cut it, almost cutting into the nail, she sort of squealed and whimpered and pulled her paw away, so I stopped. Up till today, I suspect she was bluffing, but I wasn’t one who was gonna cause any bloodshed, so I developed this phobia of cutting her nails. I tried again last month and she did the squeal and whimper and I was pretty sure I was nowhere near cutting her vein, but I was just so traumatized by the last incident, so I kinda developed a phobia. From then on, I’ve decided that I shall let the vet deal with her. It’s only RM5; small price to pay to prevent the heartache. But seeing her getting her nails cut that day also caused heartache cos I was afraid that they wouldn’t be so kind with her. I dunno. End of the day, she needs to get her nails cut, cos some of her nails grow in a curve and dig into her flesh (happened before) and her nails chip. In future, I will just dump her in the room with the vet and wait outside. I wonder what the pain feels like. Will it equal the pain of getting the tips of our fingers cut off? Eww… Still, I hurt for her.

My job is giving me so much grief now. I’d like to say that I am being fickle and I could be feeling the same 5 months into my next job, but there are ppl throwing the towel after only 2-3 months of the job. So there you have it, I am not abnormal. This is a tough job and it’s hard to hang on. I know many ppl hang on cos they have no better job to go to or they need the income. There are a sprinkle who actually got used to the life and are thriving in the shitload of shitty work this job entails. I, for one, am hanging on by a thread. I could snap any moment. This job has caused me stress, sleepless nights, unstable emotions and gastric. There are so many more conditions I have now that I can blame on this job. This is inhumane work. Call the SPCA!!! Hehe! I dunno. Some ppl just get by and ppl like me will dwell on the whole situation. I dread my job. I am screwing up a day at a time now that I have removed the emotional attachment to the job. Can’t say I’m much happier. But I am definitely not as stressed as I used to be. Though in the long run, I am not gonna be proud of myself when all of it ends. Cos I can’t say that I have given 100% to my job. What do you think? Personal achievement versus sanity…