Breaking the Habit~

It's been a really long time since I listened to Linkin Park. Tonight, somehow all the lyrics started making sense to me. They're all about whatever I am doing to myself right now, what I want to change in myself from now on.

Let's start with Breaking the Habit. I remembered this song from long ago. Back then I was able to relate, but it's definitely reminded me tonight. "I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean." I do this so often. I can never play the waiting game in whatever situation and because of my impatience, I pay dearly.

In The End is about the things I do for people that end up not being worth it. "I try so hard and got so far, in the end it doesn't even matter." Sometimes sincerity and honesty just isn't enough for people. They are too wrapped up in their wants and personal goals that you're not gonna get through to them. And I still never learn~ you can't move a rock to tears~

Here's a call for me to let everything go and move on towards what I really want. From The Inside just screams for me to let it all out and go in the direction I want to and to stop wasting my feelings on people who don't want it. "Trying not to break, but I'm so tired of this deceit, every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet, All i ever think about is this all the tiring time between and how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me~ Take everything from the inside and throw it all away cos I swear for the last time, I won't trust myself with you~ I won't waste myself on you." This has to do with life, and with work. Time and time I have come face to face with people who are just out to secure their own positions, and they would be nice to you only when it suited them. I don't wanna admit it, but I am naive, and I am so trustful. Because of this, people hurt me so often, and I even care enough to get hung up on it.

Finally, Somewhere I Belong. I really feel I belong somewhere else right now, but I'm still here. I cannot imagine that I have let myself just sit here all these years, when all I wanted to do was to move to Korea. I think it's time I seriously plan towards my goal~ "I will never know myself until I do this on my own, and I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed, I will never be anything till I break away from me, I will break away. I'll find myself today." I need to stop thinking that I am 'not allowed' to chase this dream and start working towards it! I MUST! I let people's opinions lead me to my actions or affect me. I need to really listen to my heart and mind from now on.

In short, I keep putting myself in heartache for anyone in my life, whether significant or insignificant. The significant ones hurt me more, but the insignificant ones can hurt me still. It's so tiring. I wish I were a real bitch sometimes, and I say this a lot. I really do wish I was a nasty bitch who didn't care, then I'd live life exactly the way I want to and be contented about it.