Maybe they don't want me :D

It's been erm.... more than 2 days since I mailed Germany. Still no news. Hey! Maybe they don't want me!! Think so? I'm a little tired of waiting for their reply and I'm really not interested in going anymore. I think i'll just go to Suzhou or Singapore where I suppose it'll be more fun.

It is so boring in Melaka. So boring that I have nothing to write about. I'm even sick of complaining about my Mom. What shall I do then? I scoured the internet for funny commercials to watch yesterday. The best one I've seen is the spoof of Paris Hilton's Carls Jr commercial. It was a fat, hairy and bearded guy in the same black, skin-tight swimsuit with the black car and the juicy burger. But he did it so beautifully. You've gotta watch it... www.spicyparis.com ;) Watch Paris' commercial, then watch the guy's commercial. Hehe!

Gonna run off to shower now. No peeking! :P I know the lizard ogling at me the other day was a spycam! So whoever you are, stop it! :P

Whooops! *more sheepish than yesterday*

In reference to my last blog: I just found out that the calls and sms I made amounted to more than RM250. Whooops! Big boo boo! No wonder my mom was livid. And she was going on and on about how we spend money like water, blablabla...

I wouldn't blame her for scolding me for the bill. I just don't see how this has to do with the way I spend money??? I just happened to get carried away with the calls and the sms. I didn't see them as cost/money. I saw them as calls or sms, until I saw the bill. And usually, I wouldn't make that many calls and sms. It was an honest mistake :P Everyone out there, just so you know, it costs a bomb to sms and make calls in China and Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, you should use Sunday as the operator, not Smartone. Sunday's roaming sms are cheaper. I wrote my dad a mail to tell him how sorry I am. I hope that he's not going come back to Melaka and still shout at me. Over cyberspace is enough.

Finally sent my dad's Ford for servicing. Probably going to take the whole day. So bored... :P Should be receiving news about Germany today. Sometimes, I hope that I don't have to go. Things would be so simple then. I'll just have to go to Singapore or China and get a job and settle down to the mundane life that I hope for. But then, I'd have to slog for 10 years before I get to be a big-shot director or manager. So... to go, or not to go...

When I was in Singapore for the past 2 weeks, I'd pass by these lovely apartments on the way home everyday. Makes me wish I could own or rent one when I work in Singapore. But the only way to make it easier to own or rent one would be to go to Germany first. What a painful dilemma... I dream about renting a nice 3 room apartment and living in it with my beloved and my sister and we'd have a little Shih Tzu. Isn't that a beautiful dream? Young professionals living in style. Hai... I'm gonna go finish up Feeding Frenzy now. Takes my mind off the dreams.

I got carried away... *sheepish*

My mom just stumbled upon the phone bill for when I was in China. I think I made almost RM100 worth of sms. I just made a polite apology and scuttled upstairs instead of trying to argue about it. Hehe! Aren't I diplomatic? Just brought my bitch home from my cousin's. She's filthy and balding. I dunno if it's because she's dehydrated, something wrong with her diet, or my cousin didn't rinse off her shampoo properly. I just hope her hair grows soon. An aging Shih Tzu is not a pleasant sight.

So tired today. Went to bed around 1-2am and woke up at 11am. My mom seems to think that having enough hours on the bed means that there is no reason to feel tired. Wrong!! What if you didn't sleep well? Adults are so inconsiderate. Having superhuman strength, which enables you to sleep at 2am and rise at 7am, doesn't mean you can gloat at the lesser people. I probably have to wake up again tomorrow cos I need to send my dad's beat-up Ford to the mechanic for a pick-me-up session.

I had a facial today. Yay! And I got the RM50 for it from my mom!! Double yay!! Yes, I'm a leech of a brat, sucking cash off my parents. I'm jobless. Don't blame me! This is my 2nd session with Gigi. Do they actually have a ceremony of christening these facial people with names like that as part of their initiation into the field of beauty consultancy? I went back to her cos I saw improvement with my face, ie. less zits, the last time I went there. And she was the first person who was able to give me an effective solution to my zits, which by the way, were blackheads/oil seeds, not zits, because I'm too old to be having zits. Her solution was that I stop using moisturisers for awhile because they make my skin more oily and aggravate my pores, clog them up and voila! I get blackheads / oil seeds.

Of course my mom was ready to say that the place didn't look professional, yadayadayada... Who cares? As long as she fixes my face. The first time I did the RM80 seaweed mask. This time I thought I'd go with the normal one. She really took her time, picking out all my oil seeds. Feel so clean and beautiful now. :) Ain't I a pretty piggie? Hehehe! The only bummer is that I've got this little pimple/flesh thing under my eye that has to be zapped with a laser. I'll wait till it grows more and looks hideous, then I can talk my mom into letting me have it zapped. For now, I'm just gonna go lie on my bed, read a nice book and go to sleep early so that my facial session was not wasted. Btw, Gigi gave me a vial of antiseptic thingie that brings down swelling and redness from pinching zits and stuff. So nice of her. If my face improves further, I'll definitely go for the 3rd session :)

I love my face...

What to do today...

I'd love to bitch about my mom again and about how she kicked up a fuss about my new Esprit cardigan but lets not let me get carried away. Lets talk about my impending trip to Germany and what the future holds for me.

It just suddenly hit me that I will be going to Germany and be learning all there is to learn about SAP and do nothing but SAP for the rest of my life. Sure, I may become a successful system consultant and get filthy rich, but is that my lifelong dream? What about my dreams of becoming a dancer, a singer, a musician, song writer, script writer... blablabla...

When I finally told my dad how I felt that everything I've ever done in my life always felt half-done. And we had a long talk about all the stuff that I always wanted to do but never did. Then he asked, "Is it because we stopped you, or we didn't give you enough encouragement?" Good question. I thought for a moment and decided that it was 50-50. But anyways, my dad only arranged this for me so that I had a solid career to fall back on in the future. I understand that. Just that the process is not fun :P And my dad assured me that whatever path I choose, he will not object. As long as I've done this training and not make stupid decisions regarding my life ;)

My dad's word of wisdom today was to look at what you've achieved. Don't look at what you've missed. So I'll just hope that when I do that, I will have achieved a lot. Like my dad, I love being successful. I never do anything that doesn't come with a positive feeling that I'd be winning. But my dad took chances before, and he's successful now. So I suppose I have to learn to take chances, smart chances. Then maybe someday, I'll be successful and be able to do whatever I like to do. When the time comes, I hope I don't disappoint anyone, including myself.

Love you, dad! You've always inspired me to be the best I can be. And I love you, mein Mann! You've helped through all my sadness and insecurities and encouraged me to improve myself.

Life is just peachy...

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the weather is cooling and I've just had lunch. Now's the perfect time to bitch about my mother!!!!

Who here wants to cork up their mother's mouth? Can I see a show of hands? Come on, don't be shy... In my opinion, only 1 out of a 100 or maybe a 1000 children have a wonderful relationship with their parents. No nagging, no disagreements, the generation gap issue is unheard of and never ever feeling unloved. That's the definition of a perfect parent-child relationship. I'm definitely part of the other 99 or 999. Why me????

Some people who only witness the surface of my life, the shell of my home and my mother's hip disposition towards outsiders would probably be saying that I'm an ungrateful brat, I should be struck by lightning, or that I don't deserve my wonderful parents. I wouldn't argue that I'm blessed with almost all my material needs. My dad's fine. Don't really have any complaints about him. It's my mom that drives me nuts. 1 reason would be that we have about the same kind of negative personality traits: naggy, picky, foul-tempered, self-centered, touchy, paranoid and loads more traits you can think a woman would posess. The only difference between us is that I am less harsh and that I acknowledge other people's feelings.

With my mom, I think these are the few things she always keeps in mind:

1. I'm the most self-sacrificing person in the world
2. I don't have a temper
3. My daughters are avoiding me on purpose (well, we do, sometimes. can't blame us)
4. My daughters need me to nag at them constantly
5. My daugters only come to me because they need food, money etc.
6. No one feels as vulnerable as I do
7. No one suffers from breakdowns and depression like I do
8. I'm the most tolerant person in the world
9. I never expect anything from others
10. Maybe I do expect something from others but it's miniscule compared to what I've done for them
11. I am such an easygoing person. Anyone would love living with me.
12. I have very little handbags and purses
13. I have so little clothes in my wardrobe
14. Piggie needs guidance. Cue nagging, scolding, shouting. Repeat until she retaliates (so fun!!!)
15. Piggie just cries cos she hasn't matured. More nagging, scolding and shouting until she never ever cries anymore
16. Piggie is eating far too much. She went from 44kg to 47kg. Nevermind if she's underweight, tell her she's fat and lazy and she needs to diet and exercise until she's grossly underweight again (then I won't need to invest in a new wardrobe for her)
17. Piggie is spending almost as much as me. Stop her!
18. Why are my daughters such brats?

The list can go on and on and you'd be shocked. Compared to my cousins, I'd say my sister and I are saints. So why is my mom so unhappy with us? Ask her!!! Anything I do just doesn't cut it. Shall I tell you what happened last night??

It was 12am. I have to get up at 7am tomorrow (not that it ever crossed her mind). I was tired because of this routine and because I never take afternoon naps. My head has been feeling heavy since 5pm. I was finally lying on the bed, breathing a sigh of relief to be able to rest when she started hollering for me from the study. She wouldn't tell me why I needed to go to her. Just kept calling and calling. I kept refusing and explaining that I was dead tired. Finally she got angry and started spouting stuff about her having to respond to our needs always and yet we never do when she needs us. Then after 5 mins of listening to her crap out loud with my sister (both of them seemed to have pins up their butts last night), I gave up and went to the study. Guess what she said? "Now only come. No need already lah!" Then she continued to nag despite having seen my pained look from lack of rest.

Today, I came home from a drink with my friend. I was a bit late for lunch. She immediately said that I probably had lunch. I said I didn't and she still insisted that I did. Then when I told her I bought some goodies for her, she responded "Oh, you buy me food cos you made me angry and you want to appease me issit?" Bla, bla, bla... "I always have do stuff for you, you NEVER do anything for me" bla, bla, bla... It never crossed my mind that the food was to make her happy. I was only thinking of my breakfast tomorrow and that I should also include the other people in the household if I were buying food. Then when I asked her if there was soup for dinner tonight, she had to say "You only come to your mother when you need food." What gives???!!!! What's your problem??? Can't you ever try to forget something ever happened? I've done lots of stuff but you never remember them!!!! You only remember my mistakes!!! Or what you consider to be mistakes.

My mom constantly reduces me to tears. When she sees the tears, she'd say I was trying to invoke pity. She never acknowledges that I feel hurt. She can never hear out my feelings. She'd always respond:

1. Are you telling me how to be a mother?!!!!
2. Don't you dare teach me what to do!!!
3. Do you want a slap? How dare you talk like that to me?!!
4. Cry, cry, cry. Only know how to cry. Everytime scold you, you cry.

I've never heard responses like, "You really think so? Maybe if we..." or "I'm so sorry you feel that way. I was only trying to...".
I think television has fed us with dreams of parents who listen. It's just plain abnormal in Asia. Parents rule in Asia. We children have no say. They will never "understand". Not someday, not finally, not ever like those parents on tv who misjudge their children and then "realise" in the end how wrong they were.

I can only conclude that the more my mother treats me this way, the sooner she'll drive me away. Then "finally" she will wonder, why would no one ever argue with her anymore. She'd be lonely and bored but she will never understand why. Everyone constantly tells me, "That's just your mother, what can you do?" I suppose they're right. What can I do? :(

Ich liebe kaufen!!!!

For the non-Germans out there. It means: I love shopping!!! Who doesn't? Hmm... I suppose misers don't, anal people don't and erm... what's the word for people who are afraid of germs and dirt? I dunno. Whatever they are, only these minority hate shopping. In general, people love to shop. How did I know that I was a shopaholic? Firstly, I'd like to establish that I'm a minor case. I'm not maxing-out credit cards or eating porridge at the end of every month because I spent all my money on a handbag... yet.

I realized this depressing fact when I was in Hong Kong. I just kept on buying, kept on buying... And it wasn't just stuff for myself. More than 50% we stuff for other people. My bf, my family, my sister... I came to the conclusion that I just happen to love spending money. When I came back to Malaysia. I more or less curbed it a little but still couldn't really stop it. Most of my money were thrown into nice food and pedicures. Sick, eh? People wonder why I spend such an obscene amount of money for a pedicure. Well, it's addictive. So I think it's worth it. Until I hand over the money to the cashier. So I'm basically a guilt ridden shopaholic. I always feel bad after my splurges.

You may think I was born that way. I'd like to blame it on genetics to, since my mother and aunts are also shopaholics, but I'd have to admit that I wasn't always like that. So why can't I stop myself now? I was always careful with money. In scondary school, I get $50 a month while my classmates get $200 or more every month. And when they complain that it's not enough, I'd roll my eyes and scorn them. Now, people roll their eyes at me. So how did I manage back then. I redeem myself? Can this condition be cured. Here are the few things I did back then and some stuff I read somewhere. Maybe it'll help me now to be reminded of them and of course, to those out there who recognise their weakness and want to be rid of it.

1. Carry the bare minimum amount of cash
It used to work. I'd only carry $5 to school everyday. But these days, you never know when you'll need some quick cash. Credit cards are useful, but make sure you remember to only use it for emergencies i.e. petrol, pain killers, tampons or condoms ;) A Gucci sale is not an emergency.

2. Never ever borrow money
I used to never borrow money. No matter how desperate. So if I had no money, I wouldn't buy anything. Once you get it in your mind that you can always get some from a friend and pay her tomorrow, you'll never see the end of it. Trust me. I've been there. Sad to say, I learnt how to borrown money. So I'm kinda doomed. But I've (almost) stopped now. Good thing, eh?

3. Leave your credit cards/atm cards at home
Unless you are sure you never touch those cards and only use cash, you need this one. Only carry cash. That way, you'd control yourself and not let your cash run out when you're out. Credit cards are useful for paying bills. I think everyone should have one. But make sure that: that's all you use it for, you pay the bills on time (to avoid extra charges) and that you keep track of your spending (so that you never forget that the credit card fees you owe need to be deducted from your total amount of income every month).

4. Keep records of your expenditure
This is useful for people with conscience. Those who lack conscience, you can forget it. Why? When you see all the stuff you've bought and the amount of money you've spent, it might shock you enough to cure you. And you'll be able to see what was necessary and what wasn't so that you will not repeat the mistake. Planning how to spend your money every month is also a good way to curb spending. But don't just have it in mind. Put it to paper. I'm gonna do that as soon as I start working. Hehe!

5. Stay away from shops
Only go shopping to get food and necessary stuff. Don't spend your weekends or holidays loitering around malls and shops, especially during sale season.

6. Get an endowment policy (idea courtesy of my aunt)
Whatever it's called. I forget what's it really called. But anyway, it's like a savings account with more benefits. Every month, you pay the insurance company some money, then maybe in 10-20 years time, you'll get a sum of money from it. Then if you want to go wild, go ahead. Hehe! But having to pay the insurance company money means that you have less to spend every month. And the good thing is you'll get back your money someday (unless you die before then, haha!). Just make sure you get a good policy from a reputable agent. Also, make sure you can afford it. No point paying all that money and eating grass every month.

Achtung!! Some people can't go cold turkey. It's like saying that you're not going to have that nice creamy baked potato with bacon and cream and still scoffing it down in the next 5 mins. DO it slowly. I suggest starting with steps 4, 3 & 2. So I've outlined all the solutions that I know. I'll just pick a few and get started. Meanwhile, I'll have one last fling with Orchard Road this weekend before I go cold turkey. Hehe!

Such gusto?!!

I always begin my writing with such gusto. But as I trudge on, I find my "gusto" waning. Why is that? Have I lost my touch? I used to have "Good job!" or "Well done!" on my English essays. My teachers often praised me for my creative and descriptive use of English, they remembered me as the one who argued for marks because they marked an alternative for an answer, which I have given, as incorrect, the one with the clever, snide comments and yet... now I find myself speechless. I can't carry a conversation without making little mistakes here and there (i noticed) and sometimes, even making myself incoherent. Have I mellowed somehow, as I've concluded. Or have I become lazy, as a friend of mine, Arj, pointed out.

Well, Arj said that I was too young to have mellowed. I beg to differ. I am such a mellow person. One who had began to mellow since I was 18/19. Friends who know me better would tell you that I am sooo mellow albeit the few times a year that I would go dancing at some pub and go bonkers. Now that, is another story to tell. I've always surprised people when I go "clubbing". I arrive at said pub/club, if there are people dancing or there's a fun atmosphere, I just get right to it and shake it. Most people need a little nudge from alcohol to get them moving. But me? Never... I drink nothing but water (which probably costs more than beer. Unless you ordered a bottle, then it would be free). People tend to think I'm really drunk but lying about it until someone confirms that I've had nothing but water and nicotine+oxygen=air(in the pub). I suppose most people would prefer to be drunk so if they did something really spastic, they could blame it on alcohol. I am very proud of the fact that I can have fun without alcohol, smoking or drugs. I'm always on a natural high. And fyi, lots of water would be useful when you're sweating like a pig ;)

Anyway, lets talk about the mellow me again. Since I started dating seriously, as in when I date the guy I really think about it as a long term thing, I preferred to stay home, lounge around, do nothing, watch VCDs, basically just chilling. Some people and even some of those boyfriends found that aspect of me dull. I suppose that it's because they're not ready to set their asses down and just enjoy some private moments together. Some quiet moments of doing nothing but enjoying the comfort of togetherness. They still love to hang around at malls, catch a movie, etc. I'm still a shopaholic (that'll be a subject for my next post). I occasionally attack malls and sadly, my own pockets. But having mellowed is a part of me which means that I feel that I've had it with the buzzing-around-and-doing-everything-under-the-sun kinda life. I'm so glad my current bf approximates me on the mellow scale and that he understands what it's about. And what's more, staying home means spending less. A plus for the pockets for sure. I just feel that it's a sign of maturity and readiness to settle down, a rarity among people these days. My mom thinks it's antisocial of me not to want to go out with friends. I do meet them sometimes. I do have close friends. So I am not antisocial. Antisocial is the word for describing hermits. And I'm no hermit.

So anyway, am I boring anyone yet? If I am, then I can sadly say that I've indeed lost my touch. Or maybe it's just because I have nothing interesting to write about. Since I lead such a mellow life :P

Wie Gehts?!!!

Halo! Mein name ist Schwein, Hübsch Schwein. Ich komme aus Malaysia. Malaysia liegt in Südostasien.

Ok! Enough of German. I'm not German. I just happened to be taking a German class. Why? My parents want to send me far, far away to Germany for SAP training. Cos according to them, I'd be earning big bucks after undergoing this training.

I really don't feel like going cos
1. I hate being alone (especially in a foreign place)
2. I hate cold weather
3. I'll miss home
4. Most of all, I'll miss my boyfriend /almost husband

People, well, lots of people, say to me "You're only 22 and you're thinking of getting married?!. Well, not now. But in the near future. I don't want to have kids when I'm in my mid-thirties. I wanna be a young, hip mom. Like Britney, or maybe Angelina Jolie. Hehe! I wish I had her boobs. Haha! So I hope to get married by the time I'm 27. Now, I'll just sit and wait for the plane ticket to be thrown onto my lap. Then i'll accept it and make a move :P